I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
