census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
