we have officially lost it.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
