I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
