He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
