He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just threw up on my dentist
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
