This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
