Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The beer is more important than you right now.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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