i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
