What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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