I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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