Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
