We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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