There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Randomize
