I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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