You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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