Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
