I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
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She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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