it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize