"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
