she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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