I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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