We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
