Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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