stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
