yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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