I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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