Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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