Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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