That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
