I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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