Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
