READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
