A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
