dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
