How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
