We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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