You really coming over, don't trick.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
