I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
