so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
