how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
