So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
