$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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