where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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