Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Let's paint friendship bongs
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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