Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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