you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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