why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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