I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
40s are totally the cure
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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