my room smells like sperm. sweet.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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