Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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