Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
