I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
