i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
