I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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