He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
