i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
