So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
