I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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