My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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