Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
