i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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