It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
