The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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