State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
