Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
