yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Boobs are out for the taking
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
