I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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