Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize