New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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