We won't sleep together?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
