I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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