my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
