Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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