I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
