Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Your face is a jimmy john
someone threw a dead crab at me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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