forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
