there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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