Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
