I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
