I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I currently don't understand fingers.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
