Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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