I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
