Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
